Have I lost myself?

At times, when i discretely look at myself, I wonder over what I have become over the years. Or, how I have departed from what i was.

I still remember my Day 1 at my new school. I was not scared, unlike other ex classmates of mine, for I had been a wonderkid at my previous school, oozing of energy and self confidence. The way i used to excel at almost everything i did, the quizzing zealot i was, everything was lost gradually by the time i ended schooling. Losing all of that, what I had gained was a strong ability of communication and impressing upon people, an image of what i was actually not. I was a radical, but gradually became a part of the system. I wonder if it all has happened for good or for bad. I do regret it sometimes, at other times i dont. People like me more now, I have become readily acceptable, as against, i was majorly a loner back in class 6th. But, over the years, I have become hollow, staying confident on the outside, but fearing almost everything and everyone I see, hear, sense on the inside.
The memories of what I was, haunt me sometime, forcing me to give it a thought, If I am really happy and satisfied with what I have become. I cant runaway from them, for I have to face them at almost each and every step in my life. Moreover, these things are so little in nature, that its impossible to eradicate them. The very little things we do, sometimes have a great impact on our living, though we may not realise it at the moment of committing the act, but some time down the line, they come back to haunt us.

"Change is the only constant of Universe"

I agree, but is the change always good? Cant i become what i was, still retaining the success I've had because of this new me? Cant i return to myself? Cant i become the fearless, confident, me?
I have grown strong on the outside, but have decayed on the inside, falling prey to the system. I have killed my creativity, my ingenuity,my honesty to myself (yes, I am not honest to myself even) just to succeed in this materialistic world which is a slave to the system. I too, have become a part of the system, I have also turned into a mere mortal, who would one day die like thousands others who die everyday.

I have forgotten who i am.
I have lost myself.